Moving with the child for permanent residence in Germany.

Moving with the child for permanent residence in Germany.

Moving with the child for permanent residence in Germany.
Asks: Alain (2014-03-25 02:16:43)
Good evening! My name is Alyona, I’m 33 years old. I am a translator. I ask for your advice in the following situation. I’m going to marry a German citizen. With a future husband, we plan to live in Germany. He treats me and my child very well. My girl is 11 years old. I’m divorced from her dad, from the moment my daughter turns a year old. Dad does not visit, does not take part in education. At the beginning of the relationship my daughter and my future husband developed well. After she found out that we are going to get married, stopped communicating with him, does not want to go to Germany, says that she hates this country, her friends are here, and she has nowhere to go. I talked with her on this topic, told what pluses in the move, he does not want to hear anything, starts to cry, says that I’ve been breaking her all my life. I think that here a big role is played by jealousy and fear of integration in another country. Also the daughter, says that she does not want my future husband to command her. My daughter and I now live with my parents, of course, everything is allowed to her. My future husband says that she sat down on our heads. On his last visit, the girl took a position – a complete ignore, hid his things. Soon you need to make out the documents. How to proceed, how to support it in this situation. I want everything to be resolved peacefully, without pressure. Thank you in advance for your response.
Goloshchapov Andrey Viktorovich.
Do not need to persuade the girl – logic and conversation you will not achieve anything. I think it’s important for her that you take her feelings and share them. Strangely enough, after that, her attitude to the move may change.
In more detail, about what it means to share the feelings of the child is written in the manual, which I recommend you to download on my site. Here is the link – http://shkola-roditelei.blogspot.ru/p/blog-page_22.html.
Goloshchapov Andrei Viktorovich, psychologist Saratov.
In your case, your daughter may have unconscious fears. About which she can not and does not know how to tell. In the behavior that you observe, the daughter also protests against them. Also new events bring emotional overstrain. It’s good that you treat this with understanding. The best thing that can be done is to diagnose the emotional state of the girl. After that, you can recommend accurate changes in communications with your daughter.
I had to work in situations with conditions characteristic of your case. There are approaches in which the emotional background of communication will begin to change harmoniously. If you are interested, for interaction, please contact the skype session.
Kudryashova Alla Albertovna, psychologist Minsk.
I think you should talk with your daughter about the fact that you love your man and want to live together, but if she does not want to go with you, then what to do? Let her answer this question, and you listen carefully, as she represents the future life. Perhaps there is an option to leave it with your parents and invite you to your vacation. Having been with you in Germany on vacation, it is possible that she will change her mind, and if she does not change, then you can wait again. Of course, it is important for you to see your daughter constantly next to you, but she also has the right to choose, so give her the opportunity to choose. If you drag her to Germany by force, she can ruin your relationship with her new husband, and then everything will be bad.
Volzhenina Liliya Mikhailovna, psychologist Novosibirsk.
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