10 REASONS WHY IT WILL NOT EMIGRATE IN ISRAEL.

10 REASONS WHY IT WILL NOT EMIGRATE IN ISRAEL.

10 REASONS WHY IT WILL NOT EMIGRATE IN ISRAEL.
Sometimes it happens that a Jew does not want to become a Jew. Traditionally, rabbis should discourage it in every possible way, arguing that he is better now than he is if he accepts Judaism. I think that such an educational program should be conducted against those who have a desire to go to Israel to permanent residence.
To begin with, I will reveal a terrible secret: no “Jews” & raquo; and the Jewish people & raquo; in principle, does not exist. Nowhere, except for the methodologies & laquo; Dried & raquo; and about two hundred countries in the world, which do not include, alas, the State of Israel. The following peoples live in Israel: ultra-religious, just religious, observing traditions, secular, Ashkenazi, Sephardic, & la; Russian, Russian (yes, these are two different categories, the latter can also be called Russian Russians, and this will not be a tautology), & laquo; Ethiopians & raquo; Ethiopians, Muslim Arabs, Christian Arabs, Druze, Bedouins, Baha’is, Bnei Menashe.
The list is incomplete and very approximate, nowhere clearly articulated, as some sets intersect in the most bizarre way. For example, good programmers can be singled out into one social category, spitting on minor religious-ethnically-linguistic differences. But programmers with their faces erased & mdash; rather an exception than the rule.
The average representative of one category with representatives of other categories usually talks very little or does not communicate at all (and does not really want to do it). But in the circle of & laquo; their & raquo; happily repeats racial, ethnic and religious stereotypes, scolding the ‘foreign’ raquo; in all the troubles of Israel. The Russian argon welder of the sixth category Vasilissa can celebrate Orthodox Easter, but at the same time hate Ethiopian grannies with crosses tattooed on her forehead as & laquo; rode in here & raquo; without noticing any contradiction in her logic. Vasiliy himself is the first counter-comer of the “Moroccan” -sefard to consider the “mafia” and his wife “Russian prostitute”, whose distinction from falafel only in that it is cheaper.
The secular do not like religious people because those idlers who strain the social security system and do not want to serve in the army. Religious dissatisfied with the fact that beloved secular iPhones, gay parades and other television programs & laquo; Voice & raquo; lead the country to disaster. About Arabs and Jews, I think, everyone knows me.
I will not denote his national and religious affiliation. Just do not say that it is not & mdash; we have already heard this joke in Israel. I will not denote it, because everyone knows it.
So, terror. Apparently, because of the fall in energy prices in some neighboring countries, which I also will not name, the terrorists have stopped supplying costly suicide belts and are taught to use low-budget knives. The fact that in any Soviet district center with the unforgettable Leonid Ilyich knives were blown more often than the terrorists of the new wave in Israel do, & mdash; some weak consolation. Get a pen in the side for nothing & mdash; not at all fun. Maybe someone from the nostalgia for the USSR will be happy about this, but I’m & mdash; no. When & la knife terror & raquo; just started, you could still calm yourself by the fact that terrorists are attacking residents of Jewish settlements in the territories, military and religious, which can be seen from the clothes. And there were attacks on the same territories or in Jerusalem with its uneasy status and status quo. Yes, cynically, but for someone it was reassuring not to get into the target audience of terror. But after the lecturer of the Higher School of Economics from Moscow was cut on the Tel-Aviv embankment, which did not exactly have the bales and forms of the IDF, the consolations ended.
First-line news of the Israeli media are of two kinds, one can even say & mdash; one. Someone behaves badly. Or the weather, or terrorists. It is difficult to determine which of the two causes fewer or less sad exclamations from the public: & laquo; wo-woah! & Raquo ;.
The annual weather cycle in Israel is arranged approximately like this. Approximately in September, in the area of the Jewish New Year there is a week of good weather. There was an unprecedentedly good weather. Walking through the streets or sitting on the balcony behind a glass of wine is pleasant at any time of the day. But happiness is fleeting. After a good weather, unprecedented colds or unprecedented rains hit Israel. +10 Celsius & mdash; for the Israelis it’s cold. +5 & mdash; horror-horror! The negative temperature is perceived more seriously than another military operation in the Gaza Strip. Sitting in a warm Russian apartment in a sheepskin coat on a battery of steam heating with a bottle of vodka in his hand, when behind a two-chamber double-glazed window on the street -20, this one can not understand. But the Haifa -2 degrees Celsius & mdash; they are not only on the street, but also indoors. Central heating in Israel is not available as a class. Vodka? Look at & la point five & raquo ;.
Rains in Israel best describes the old biblical stamp: & laquo; heaven’s mess has opened up & raquo ;. Parked the car for the night, and in the morning you find out that she drowned (I apologize for the abuse of cliches). And if you do not drown, it is beaten by hail. Wet winters turn into summer, which in spring can still be tolerated in places, and in summer & mdash; absolutely not. But there is nowhere to go, for the heat lasts forever. Foci with temperature fluctuations lead to the fact that an appreciable part of the family budget has to be spent on a gluttonous beast named & laquo; mazgan & raquo; (the word “air conditioning” in the Israeli dialect of Russian is missing). Three winter months in a year he works for heating, nine summer & ndash; for cooling.
Do you want to go to Israel and work there in the specialty? Do you have a driver’s license with an open category for driving lorry trains carrying tanks? If there is, then you just need to retake the Israeli rights, and you will get a job in the specialty. No? Another option. You are a talented programmer: personally Zuckerberg invited you to work with him. But as a sign of respect for national traditions, you want to get three times less money in Israel for the same work. So be it & mdash; receive. And this is not your case? Then the boys to the left & mdash; guard in the supermarket, girls to the right & mdash; to take care of the indigenous Israeli old women, who holyly follow the order of the forefathers to live up to 120. Or to the plant. Never mind. 25 shekels per hour you are always guaranteed. With the right oil prices, renting a one-room apartment in Moscow made it possible not to check bags at the entrance to the store. At the present, it’s enough for a week’s supply of products, which were discounted in their own store.
25 shekels & ndash; this is 500 rubles, right at the moment. For Mukhoslavska, probably, quite good money. But in Israel there are no Mukhoslav prices. About the prices in Israel you can write a fascinating novel, after which you can remove the film later. Horror. Most likely, even a TV show. And not one season.
Not only will those who come to Israel from Russia not be greatly respected by many who come from other countries or are born in Israel. In the end, this can be overlooked, since they will not burn with the desire to communicate with you. But those who came from the former USSR or Russia noticeably earlier will also annoy you. It is such a kind of emigrant “hazing”. And if you blatantly declare that you do not want to clean the lavatories with a toothbrush and eat crap with spoons, as “grandfathers & raquo; in due time & hellip; And do not you dare to doubt that Vladimir Putin & mdash; genius of all times and peoples, and could become the ideal prime minister of Israel. Or is that Crimea & mdash; our. Or in the greatness of the First Channel of Russian television, which in Israel through the satellite and the Internet looks almost more people than in Russia. Better not say anything.
Guaranteed it will not fall unless the homeless, assuming that in Russia there are bums-Jews who want to go to Israel. Rare lucky people will be able to keep it when moving. Someone will be able to return it with time. For example, he was a doctor, he came, worked as a dishwasher, confirmed his qualifications & mdash; You’re a doctor again. But for some reason it mainly concerns professions, whose representatives can in principle find a job in their specialty not only in Israel, but also for big money. Business? Do you think there is an acute shortage of businessmen in Israel without you?
Although in Israel, many speak English, and in Russian & mdash; so and any idiot, nevertheless, Hebrew for life in Israel is needed. This language is & mdash; not the easiest. Take, for example, the letter & laquo; a & raquo ;. First, the letters & laquo; a & raquo; three. Secondly, in fact, not three, but none, since these are not letters, but vowels. Thirdly, and yes, they do not care. Hebrew should be learned in order to read the Bible in the original (the first part, of course: with the sequel, it’s still not unambiguous). In general, that’s all. This is not a language of interethnic communication like English or Spanish, not a means of stress relieving as Russian. In Israel, it is the language of everyday and business communication. Do you know the game of three thimble? The one for whom the native tongue is twisted thimbles. Your task & mdash; guess under which of the thimbles is the ball. Good luck!
In Israel, there are Sabbath and feast days. If Saturday, despite the fact that most shops are closed and public transport is almost not working, you can survive: with experience it comes & hellip; then in the seasons of holidays (this is the Russian May holidays plus the New Year (which is December 31), taken together and brought to the extreme) again, nothing works, the children do not study, and wherever you go to relax with your family, it turns out that half of Israel it occurred to me to rest in the same place and at the same time.
The reason is the tenth. Dimensions and provinciality.
Look at Israel on the political map of the world. On my, for example, it is marked with the number 32. If your map somehow fits the full name of the country, then you have a very large map. On a small speck with a figure of 32, the letter “la” from the word & laquo; Jerusalem & raquo ;. & laquo; Jerusalem & raquo ;, & la; Tel Aviv & raquo; and & laqu; Haifa & raquo; the compilers of the map had to be placed in the Mediterranean.
In Israel, there is no concept of “intercity roaming”: all phone calls from anywhere in the country to any & mdash; local. Any Bratislava & mdash; also not the center of civilization, but from it you can get in a few hours by bus to normal Europe. From Israel on the bus you will not get anywhere: look at the map again and on the names of neighboring countries. Dimensions and remoteness in the sum give some provinciality.
I really liked the band “Time Machine & raquo; in its time.” One of the best memories of my youth & mdash; her semi-underground concert in some Moscow suburb of the Palace of Culture in 1980. 36 years later & the car & raquo; reached Haifa: I saw a poster the other day. The entire repertoire of Israel’s concert halls & mdash; solid time machine. Heroes of the charts in 1980. Chris Norman of & quot; Smoky & raquo; do not want?


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